Thirsty Thursday Eve - Dunkin' Spiked Iced Coffee
Dunkin’ has released a new line of alcohol, dubbed “Dunkin’ Spiked.” These assorted flavors of hard iced coffee and iced tea drinks sound like a natural hit from a chain that does drive thru beverages so well. But are they?
Name: Dunkin’ Spiked Iced Coffee
Source: Dunkin’
Style: Malt Beverage
ABV: 6%
Dunkin’ (Donuts, because old habits die hard) has let me down in perhaps the most devastating alcoholic revelation of the past decade. They took coffee and alcohol, and somehow managed to put them together in some abomination that is abhorrent to both coffee drinkers and alcohol drinkers alike. I am frankly amazed that they managed to take two individual things that are independently so good and make an amalgamation that is so terrible.
When we got back to continue the cookout, I handed out a few different flavors. My wife loves a blonde roast iced caramel latte from Starbucks, so I gave her one of the caramel cans. I wanted a good representation of the base flavor, so I grabbed the “original iced coffee” for myself. Across the four of us, we had a pretty good variety of the different flavors available in the pack.
We cracked open the cans and had pretty universally negative opinions from the first sip. The aroma is very synthetic and bears almost no resemblance to real coffee, Dunkin’ or otherwise. Similarly, the first sip has a lot of flavors, none of which are very coffee-y, and very few are actually pleasant. Oddly enough, the caramel flavor (after my wife refused to finish it) gave me the sensation of fake banana. Caramel iced coffee should not taste like banana.
After I tried original and caramel, I decided to round it out with mocha. Unfortunately, mocha wasn’t much better. These were worse than almost any canned iced coffee I’ve had before. The only thing comparable is the Slate coffee-flavored protein shakes that Costco sometimes carries, and even that’s not a clear winner. The texture of the Dunkin’ iced coffee is better than the grainy mouthfeel of the Slate drink, but Slate might actually have a better flavor. A protein shake from a brand I had never heard of managed to make an iced coffee better than Dunkin’. Absurd.
You know who makes a good iced coffee? PBR. Let me run that by you one more time, dear reader. A beer company that is known for a cheap but thoroughly drinkable lager made a hard iced coffee drink better than a company that sells a bajillion cups of coffee every day. And it’s not even a contest. The PBR hard coffee was great. This Dunkin’ junk is nasty. It’s going to take me forever to drink through the rest of the swill in that case.
I really hoped that Dunkin’ would be my new source of readily available and passable hard coffee. Turns out Dunkin’ doesn’t belong in the hard coffee game. In the absence of PBR or any other decent hard coffee, I’m left with no other option than just making it myself. At least then I know I’m getting something decent. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like enough people want alcoholic coffee to justify a large enough market share for many companies to bother with it (Pooler, 2022).
Try Dunkin’ Spiked Iced Coffee if you want while you can, but don’t get your hopes up. I thought it was terrible and it sounds like I’m not alone (Arnold, 2023). I fully expect this product will be discontinued soon and I won’t miss it. It’s a niche that could still use some better options, but Dunkin’ ain’t it.
References:
Arnold, A. (2023, September 21). We tried Dunkin’s spiked iced coffees and teas - dunkin’ spiked coffee and Tea Review. delish. https://www.delish.com/food-news/a45241107/dunkin-spiked-coffee-tea-taste-test/
Hennett, J. (2020, October 28). Thirsty Thursday Eve - PBR Hard Coffee. Words on Wednesday. https://jakehennett.blogspot.com/2020/10/thirsty-thursday-eve-pbr-hard-coffee.html
Pooler, F. (2022, December 20). The rise and fall of Hard Coffee. Fresh Cup Magazine. https://freshcup.com/the-rise-and-fall-of-hard-coffee/
Name: Dunkin’ Spiked Iced Coffee
Source: Dunkin’
Style: Malt Beverage
ABV: 6%
Dunkin’ (Donuts, because old habits die hard) has let me down in perhaps the most devastating alcoholic revelation of the past decade. They took coffee and alcohol, and somehow managed to put them together in some abomination that is abhorrent to both coffee drinkers and alcohol drinkers alike. I am frankly amazed that they managed to take two individual things that are independently so good and make an amalgamation that is so terrible.
I first heard about these beverages back in March. A news article informed me of their existence and I quickly began searching for them. The locator on the Dunkin’ Spiked site suggested that a nearby convenience store sold them. I happened to be driving past that location later the same day, so I stopped in and took a look around. Whether they had any or not, I couldn’t find them. I settled for a strawberry margarita.
For a while, I kept my eyes out at various grocery stores and the like, but I didn’t see any. I had nearly forgotten about them when I went to Publix with a friend to grab drinks for a cookout. We moseyed down the beer aisle and near the end, I noticed the Dunkin’ branding. Success! Upon closer inspection, I saw only the iced tea. I’m fine with iced tea, but iced coffee is the real goal here. Immediately to the right of the iced tea was an empty spot. I checked the label below the empty spot, and sure enough, that was where the iced coffee was supposed to be.
I almost accepted defeat, but I considered one more option. I got down on my knees and peered deep behind the first row of drinks to see if perhaps another case was back beyond the reach of less tenacious drinkers. Lo and behold, there remained a single case way back against the rear wall of the cooler area. I stretched my gangly giant arms deep into the void and pulled out the last pack of Dunkin’ Spiked iced coffee in the store. Success.
For a while, I kept my eyes out at various grocery stores and the like, but I didn’t see any. I had nearly forgotten about them when I went to Publix with a friend to grab drinks for a cookout. We moseyed down the beer aisle and near the end, I noticed the Dunkin’ branding. Success! Upon closer inspection, I saw only the iced tea. I’m fine with iced tea, but iced coffee is the real goal here. Immediately to the right of the iced tea was an empty spot. I checked the label below the empty spot, and sure enough, that was where the iced coffee was supposed to be.
I almost accepted defeat, but I considered one more option. I got down on my knees and peered deep behind the first row of drinks to see if perhaps another case was back beyond the reach of less tenacious drinkers. Lo and behold, there remained a single case way back against the rear wall of the cooler area. I stretched my gangly giant arms deep into the void and pulled out the last pack of Dunkin’ Spiked iced coffee in the store. Success.
When we got back to continue the cookout, I handed out a few different flavors. My wife loves a blonde roast iced caramel latte from Starbucks, so I gave her one of the caramel cans. I wanted a good representation of the base flavor, so I grabbed the “original iced coffee” for myself. Across the four of us, we had a pretty good variety of the different flavors available in the pack.
We cracked open the cans and had pretty universally negative opinions from the first sip. The aroma is very synthetic and bears almost no resemblance to real coffee, Dunkin’ or otherwise. Similarly, the first sip has a lot of flavors, none of which are very coffee-y, and very few are actually pleasant. Oddly enough, the caramel flavor (after my wife refused to finish it) gave me the sensation of fake banana. Caramel iced coffee should not taste like banana.
After I tried original and caramel, I decided to round it out with mocha. Unfortunately, mocha wasn’t much better. These were worse than almost any canned iced coffee I’ve had before. The only thing comparable is the Slate coffee-flavored protein shakes that Costco sometimes carries, and even that’s not a clear winner. The texture of the Dunkin’ iced coffee is better than the grainy mouthfeel of the Slate drink, but Slate might actually have a better flavor. A protein shake from a brand I had never heard of managed to make an iced coffee better than Dunkin’. Absurd.
You know who makes a good iced coffee? PBR. Let me run that by you one more time, dear reader. A beer company that is known for a cheap but thoroughly drinkable lager made a hard iced coffee drink better than a company that sells a bajillion cups of coffee every day. And it’s not even a contest. The PBR hard coffee was great. This Dunkin’ junk is nasty. It’s going to take me forever to drink through the rest of the swill in that case.
I really hoped that Dunkin’ would be my new source of readily available and passable hard coffee. Turns out Dunkin’ doesn’t belong in the hard coffee game. In the absence of PBR or any other decent hard coffee, I’m left with no other option than just making it myself. At least then I know I’m getting something decent. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like enough people want alcoholic coffee to justify a large enough market share for many companies to bother with it (Pooler, 2022).
Try Dunkin’ Spiked Iced Coffee if you want while you can, but don’t get your hopes up. I thought it was terrible and it sounds like I’m not alone (Arnold, 2023). I fully expect this product will be discontinued soon and I won’t miss it. It’s a niche that could still use some better options, but Dunkin’ ain’t it.
References:
Arnold, A. (2023, September 21). We tried Dunkin’s spiked iced coffees and teas - dunkin’ spiked coffee and Tea Review. delish. https://www.delish.com/food-news/a45241107/dunkin-spiked-coffee-tea-taste-test/
Hennett, J. (2020, October 28). Thirsty Thursday Eve - PBR Hard Coffee. Words on Wednesday. https://jakehennett.blogspot.com/2020/10/thirsty-thursday-eve-pbr-hard-coffee.html
Pooler, F. (2022, December 20). The rise and fall of Hard Coffee. Fresh Cup Magazine. https://freshcup.com/the-rise-and-fall-of-hard-coffee/
Comments
Post a Comment